Loss

My husband had a birthday this past weekend.

My daughter has a birthday this week.

The difference this year is no cards will be coming from Pops, Josh's beloved grandfather.

We lost Pops last month, we really didn't loose him, he went to join his Heavenly Father and I can't blame him one bit.

But tonight when I checked the mail it dawned on me, no more cards from this amazing man.

Pops was great with his card sending. Sometimes they'd come a day or two late but he never forgot us. He had the incredible ability to find cards for "my granddaughter-in-law," "grandson and his wife," and of course, "to his great-granddaughters!" Cards I never knew were made, he'd find. And they always had the perfect sentiment or wit.

I don't think he ever sent a card without some personal inscription and I always enjoyed reading the inscriptions aloud, mostly because I could always hear his voice coming through his written words.

I will miss this gracious man, I will miss his phone calls, I will miss his cards. I will miss the way he doted on my children.

I miss you, Pops, but take comfort knowing I will get to see you again.

Writing Me: Where I'm From

I'm joining Bigger Picture Blogs in a community writing project. Such perfect timing as I'm getting back into writing, I love being able to share and learn from others.




I am from the Great Plains, red earth and willow trees. The smell of spring storms looming on the horizon.

I am from purple mountain majesties, white caps looming year around. I am from columbines and aspen trees.

I am from two stories, overlooking Boulder reservoir. A trampoline dug half way into a mountain side, Panther pride and blue and gold. Homecoming floats and three hour trips to football games. From, "Kiss my paw!"

From the wind and snow. Where Halloween costumes must fit over coats and snowsuits.

I am from two loving parents, discipline, church. From reading the Bible, believing Jesus died for my sins and knowing there are not enough good deeds on Earth that can get me into Heaven

From women who put family first and men who supported them. I'm from a place where you could never hear, "I love you" enough and men are manly for saying it.

I am from siblings who watch out for each other, pick on one another, tickle you until you pee. I'm from a sister who is my best friend and reassures me that I can handle these children and God loves me no matter what!

From the tight-knit, always have a place to go family. From imperfection, dysfunction, humor, and utter joy.

I am from devotion to duty, from a line of patriotic defenders. Doing my part to support and defend the Constitution of the United States of America! I am from Haze Grey and Red, White and Blue!

Just Writing

I've missed writing, missed composing poems.

I find myself here next to a sleeping child, my mother-in-law entertaining the other, new life kicking inside and I want to write.

I want to catch up on all the lost words, months of words, excitement, happenings. But it just isn't feasible, too much was missed, too much time gone by.

Time continues to carry on while I sit and watch. Watch the children grow, watch my stomach grow.

The ebb and flow of life carries on, hopefully I'll be able to put some of it into words.

Adventures in Parenting: Learning or Attempting To

I find myself at a loss.

It took me several years to learn how B learns and specifically, how to teach her and get her to listen.

I now find myself staring down a similar barrel with Bear. I'm learning, quickly, what doesn't work. While positive reenforcement motivates B, Bear could care less.

I would rather support than punish but my goodness, I can not get that kid to listen! She takes selective hearing to a whole new level. I'm to the point I'm going to have her hearing checked to rule out actual hearing loss.

So tonight I begin my research for how to learn how my child learns. Any recommendations are very welcome, weather it be books or techniques, this is my plea for help!

My Journey: A Student

I recently embarked on a new journey and am thankful it ended today. I re-enrolled in college and intentionally took only one class. I figured I'd use this one class to get my feet wet and eventually take more and finish off my degree. Shortly after signing up for (or maybe just before) I found out I was pregnant with #3. Deciding to stick with my original plan, I proceeded with my class, Art 205, Art Appreciation. I was surprised a bit by the amount of time the course took on a day to day basis but balanced it well, at the beginning anyway. I was doing well up until the last couple weeks. A death in the family prompted a visit to Iowa, I was granted an extension that served me well as the house we were staying in didn't have Internet. When we got home I knew I had one week to make up two weeks worth of assignments and knew it could be done. Then this week happened, if something could have happened, it did. B's first day of school (which I knew was coming but still added a bit of stress, but that's a blog of it's own), bug bites causing swollen limbs, doctor visits, surprise duty days, you name it and something would come up. But I prayed and God got me (us, really) through it.

So, long story short, I'm a college student again although I will be taking the next two semesters off so I can learn how to be a mom of three and homeschool B. But before ling, I'll be back in the swing of things!

On a side note, I've very much missed blogging. I almost wrote that I missed writing but I've been a writing fool, it's just been centered on art history.

And I know it's been a while but it you didn't catch it, we're pregnant with #3, due in December.

Adventures in Parenting: Nursing?

I just found this post, unpublished, written back in January. I'm posting it now with an update at the end just in case someone out there can find it helpful. Enjoy my adventure.

*****

It's a quarter after nine in the morning and both my children are asleep, in my bed.

This has been a long week, transitioning a snugly Bear out of our bed and into the queen size bed she shares with her sister. A move that shouldn't have been too terribly difficult is now bit exacerbated by that fact that I've stopped nursing Bear during the night.

The Back Story

She used to sleep through the night, she struggled a bit when we moved but fell back into sleeping. Then, sometime in October, she started wanting to nurse during the night and I haven't had a full night's sleep since.

Since B made the request that she and her sister share a bed and knowing Bear is such a snuggler, I thought it was a fantastic idea! {Couple that with the overwhelming support I received when I told a few people; I was actually surprised when they told me their children used to share a bed, cool!}

So when we were gifted a king size bed, we passed our queen to the girls. They were thrilled, well, Bear was until she found out I expected her to sleep in it. She was comfortable in her routine, nurse down in Mom and Dad's bed, mysteriously wake in the middle of the night in her own bed, return to Mom and Dad's bed, nurse and go back to sleep.

A change was needed.

I started slow, having her nap in her new bed. That was fine, she didn't care where she napped as long as she could nurse down. Then, it was time for the night time move. She didn't have a problem nursing down in her bed and for the first couple nights, when she woke up and came to my room, I took her back to hers and nursed her back down, then returned to my own bed. This was short lived. I was getting even less sleep then when she was sleeping with me.

What was I going to do??

When B was her age she liked sleeping with me too. I used the "cry it out" method with her and it about killed me. I'm so thankful I had an awesome friend who let me call her at any hour because that was so terribly hard and I can't help but feel pain whenever I look at the point of my parenting life. I knew I needed to try something else with Bear.

{If you're wondering why I went from our/us to my/me, I'm really not discounting my dear husband. Thankfully, I am not flying solo on this journey with Bear as I was with B, hubby was in Africa for that, but as I'm the one not sleeping he asks me, "what will help you sleep?" and we go from there.}

{Wow, I'm all over with this one, thanks for bearing with me.}

Armed with a new idea, we prepped B and warned her. When Bear woke in the middle of the night, I would soothe and comfort, call in Daddy when needed, and be there to support her and reassure her, telling her she did not need "Mommy milk" to go to sleep.


*****

And that's where it ended. To be perfectly honest I'm not sure where we went from there. I remember a couple times having Dad try to soothe her as he didn't have "milk" but she'd just get more and more upset. I would eventually send him and B to our bed so they could get some sleep and I'd spend however long it took to get her to snuggle back to sleep. Of course I'd fall asleep in her bed.

I've since weaned my Bear; a very personal decision. I do miss it from time to time but in the end I do feel it was the right decision for her and me. I made it gradual, after we stopped the night time nursing we were down to two, before nap and before bed. I dropped the nap first and she didn't put up much resistance. She still wanted to snuggle down and I was okay with that. It was almost two months of only nursing at bedtime before I finally stopped that one, too.

The first night I didn't nurse her she slept like a dream, thank the Lord. One thing that isn't mentioned above is how much prayer went into this transition. I could not have done it without His help, His loving grace.

Nightly nursings are not missed, they've been replaced with scripture reading, Bible stories and family prayers.

My Journey: Being Thankful for the Trials

1Thessalonians 5:16-18 says

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

A wonderful piece of scripture and great advise, but how often do we apply the whole writing, everyday?!

16 Be joyful always

Easy to say on the good days, but what about the days of trial? When you're down and out do you find joy in God's everyday beauty? Or are you so focused on the problem at hand that you forget to even look?

While in a depressive funk about a year and a half ago, I discovered my "joy" and such a joy they are! I discovered God had given me a gift to love and enjoy; my children are my joy! Every once in a while I do have to ask God to help me enjoy my joy.

17 Pray continually

Maybe a little easier during the difficult times in our lives, as we pray for God's help, comfort, peace, healing, etc. It's easy to remember to pray when we need His divine assistance, but what about the other times?

Philippians 4:6 tells us not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. So why shouldn't we pray for help finding that close parking spot on a rainy day when the kids are with you? Why not pray for help deciding what to feed the family?

Just recently I quietly prayed for help and safety merging in traffic. Once safely in the lane, I said, quite audibly, "thank you, Lord!" and was scoffed at. Nothing is too big or too small for God!

18 Give thanks in all circumstances

Yes, read it again, it does say ALL. That means giving thanks during the trials.

And I did, I'd give thanks for all the blessings in my life. I would remember to be thankful for my family, my health, my family's health... It wasn't until very recently that I was reminded to be thankful for the trial itself. I truly believe God does NOT punish, He is a kind and loving God. I do believe He allows things to happen to us, for us to reap what we sow. But on that note, I feel in my heart, God uses these trials to mold us, to shape us into better Christians, to bring us closer to Him who loves us.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I don't know what purpose this trial has in my life but I know God will see me through and that I will be better for it.