Pondering...

I know it's my first winter in the South and all, but 74 degrees on December 16th, really?!

'Twas the Write Before Christmas: Day Seven

Day Seven Prompt:

“The darkness of the whole world cannot swallow the glowing of a candle.” – Robert Altinger


Photo credit: Phil Dowsing




Lost and alone
Doubt and guilt clouding every decision
Energy lacking
Depression
Darkness
So much darkness
Darkness in my head
My heart
Sadness looming
Hopeless
Scared
A prayer
A flicker of light
A flicker of hope
Searching for joy
Hearing the laughter
Smiling again
Laughing
Loving
A flicker of Light

'Twas the Write Before Christmas: Day Three

Today's Prompt:


"The Bells"

That's the line that spoke to me, so just bear with me.

I watched The Polar Express with B this evening and found myself longing to hear the bell.

I don't know when I stopped believing Santa was real. My parents told us he'd stop bringing us presents if we stopped believing, so I don't remember ever telling them I knew the truth.

Or do I?

I've spent the past few years trying to teach B that Christmas isn't about presents but about the birth of Christ. I haven't put much emphasis on the chubby fellow in a red suit.

But this year, this year is different. I don't know why {and I'm not about to bore you with possibilities} but this year, I find myself wanting to believe Santa is real.

B came right out and asked if he was real. Not wanting to lie to her, I simply asked what she believed, she was happy with that.

Why can't Christmas be about the birth of our Savior and a jolly fat man? After all, the Christmas tree and Saint Nick both have Christian roots.

So I will spend the next few weeks praying for guidance and pondering Santa. I will be moved to tears by Christmas music, both secular and non. And I will be trying to hear the bells.

'Twas the Write Before Chirstmas: Day Two

Bigger Picture Blogs has gone and done it, again.

They've got me writing.

How I love being a member of such a wonderful community!

They've started 'Twas the Write Before Christmas, a daily prompt to help allow some time for you, me. Something I definitely need!

I'm a day behind, but that's okay.



“Underneath the mistletoe last night…”

Stolen glances from across the room
Eyes meeting intentionally

Slowly moving in each other’s direction
Each step leading to uncertainty

Standing face to face
Cheeks flushing, hearts racing

The crowd melting away
Only two stand

Eyes locked
Two hearts bounding in time with each other

Is he going to kiss me

Should I kiss her

Lips meet
Time stands still
Warmth replaces butterflies

The Sunday Creative: Frozen

Coldness descends

Chilling the heart

A bitter tongue

Anger

Betrayal

Happiness defiled

Joy waning

A world devoid of spirit

Hope vanished

Words lost in a jumbled mind

Searching for the Light

Misdirection and avoidance

the devils game

Descriptions vanished

Creativity stifled

Frozen in time

*****

My apologies for being away so long. Contrary to my poetry, life has been good, busy, but quite joyful. My girls have been keeping me busy and we've been enjoying this Advent season. We've been preparing for His coming in some of the more conventional ways {B got to tell Santa, today, that she wanted a pillow pet} and the less conventional ways {evening family prayer time and scripture reading}, it has truly been filling my soul.

I understand what it means, my cup runneth over.

I also wanted to say thank you to my sister by birth, Jenni, and my sister in Christ, Hyacynth. You both said {wrote} just what I needed to hear {read} and get me back to writing. I love you both dearly.

Words

I'm a writer.

I may not be published or even any good at writing, but I am a writer.

I journal, write poetry, short stories, and yes, blog.

Words are in my heart and soul. And when my words are not flowing I feel stagnant. For me, writer's blog is an expressway to depression.

Often, when the words are not flowing, I read. Others' words will often spark some bit of creativity and my hands will be off and moving again.

So as you can tell by my lack of blogging, the words have not been flowing. So I've turned to books. I've been enjoying Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity, and while she's been speaking directly to my heart, it hasn't inspired me to write. I've also been spending a lot more time reading my bible. Even though I haven't been moved to writing, my soul has been soaking in the truths pouring out.

A friend recently asked me to join her in reading the book of John. I gladly accepted and the following morning, while drinking my coffee, I turned the delicate pages and read...

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1:1 NIV)

I've had a revelation, I wasn't at a loss for words, the Word was always with me. He has great plans for me and would never leave me. In fact, even in the past, when I felt separated from God, I always knew it wasn't God who strayed, it was I that was creating the distance.

What a wonderful reminder when looking for "words." I need not look far for inspiration, God has blessed me with an abundance of inspirations, or blessings.

A Longing

I long for my sister to be near. I find myself in need of her guidance and wisdom.

She is a wise woman!

I miss her hugs and her compliments. She has a way of knowing just what to say when I'm down or lost.

She prays for me, always has. She's about ten years ahead of me on her spiritual journey {this is, of course, my own perception, I'm sure she'd say differently}. God has blessed me with her in my search for discernment. Did I mention she's wise?!

As a Navy Wife, duty stations usually take us far from home and I spend an much of time missing my friends and family. Today, my sister is on my heart! And it is she I long to spend my day with.

I know, there isn't much to this writing, but this is what I need to get out there. It's been a while since I've written, blogged or otherwise, and these were the words I needed to say.

Wrapping Pink

October has proven to be a very pink month.

Writing Pink {and reading so much more} has really opened my eyes. I've met, mostly via Internet, so many survivors, heard stories of triumph and loss and really, really learned.

I learned I am at risk but I can make changes.

I thought, what a better way to wrap up this month, than to share the changes I'm already making.

When I first read so much about BPAs, my mind reeled as I looked around my house and saw just how much plastic we have. I immediately began concocting plans on how I was going to rid our house of this evil. Plastic sippy cups must go, to be replaced with glass cups or stainless steel, no more eating on Tupperware plates, added to the Sams list was glass storage containers...

Then I breathed.
And again.

We're on a budget.

My plans to rid our house of plastic is going to have to be gradual. I was delighted to find out that four of the sippys we have are BPA free. I bought some BPA free plastic cups to replace the plastic cups B uses {a bit cheaper than stainless}. I will stop heating food in the microwave in the plastic storage containers we have but the glass containers will have to wait, they didn't make the cut this payday.

Exercising.

I've learned this month, if I ask my girls if they want to go with me on a walk, they are guaranteed to be game. They willingly jump into the stroller, armed with water and a couple toys, they thoroughly enjoy watching the birds in the trees and squirrels scamper away. I also learned walking a couple miles isn't that bad when the kids aren't screaming, it's actually enjoyable.

Dieting.

This is going to be a bit longer of a project since I was just eating birthday cake today. I'm not going to to into detail here for my own reasons. Thank you for understanding. {No, I'm not pregnant.}

All in all, it's been an informative month. Forgive me if I despise pink for the next several months since everything was turned pink in October. {Pink ribbons on cookies, really? And pink bubble wrap??} Although a lot of men would disagree, I will miss seeing pink in the NFL, that I did get a kick out of.

Happy November, everyone!

Diet, Exercise and Breast Cancer Prevention

I am Writing Pink!





Trimming the fat, both out of your diet and off your body can do more than just decrease your waist size, it can also decrease your risks for breast cancer.

I've known for a while I need to get into shape, make exercise a norm in my life. But my reasons for wanting to live a healthier life style didn't include lowering my risk for breast cancer. I was one who thought I'd be safe since I don't have a family history of breast cancer. Through research for this article, I've learned that is very, very untrue.

Head on over to Undercover Mother for the rest of my story and read more about breast cancer prevention.

Bigger Picture Moment: Derailed Prevention Piece

I am Writing Pink!





When I first began research for a diffent piece on breast cancer prevention, I found an abundance of information on how a proper diet and exercise could reduce your risk factors for developing breast cancer. I was intrigued. How perfect would it be, as I'm already trying to implement a healthier diet for me and my family and we're increasing our exercise. This would be a great way for me to share what I'm doing to reduce my personal risks.

But the researched continued. The more I read the more I wanted to learn. The risk factors are so much more then just your genes. I have to admit, I was naive, thinking only those with a family history had to worry.

I think what amazed me the most and really derailed my intended blog was learning how many chemicals mimic estrogen and other hormones. I was floored!

Bisphenol A, commonly referred to as BPA is found in a most plastic and even in the liner of canned fruits and vegetables. Studies {google BPA and you'll see} show exposure to BPA increases your risk factors for breast cancer.

Alkylphenols are endocrine disruptors that mimic or block hormones and are found in detergents, cleaning products, hair dies, and so much more just sitting around the house.

Aluminum, is a metal that mimics estrogen, commonly used to coat non stick cookware. While I wasn't able to find much research, okay, only one article really, it was still enough to make me take pause.

With this new found information, I came to the realization that breast cancer prevention isn't just my genetic make up, it's not just exercising and eating healthy, {quite frankly, I should be doing that anyway} it's not just the foods I choose, but how that food is prepared and stored, processed, shipped...

I know this post is vague, there is so much research out there that shows these things not just being bad for one's health but increasing the risk for breast cancer. What I once thought was such a non-issue for me, I've learned might very well could be. Please look, please don't think like I did.

You can even be a part of the research. Go to Army of Women and sign up, get involved.

A Realization

Next week, we will have been here for four whole months. Four months doesn't seem long in a life of nearly 34 years, but thinking about my last home in Illinois, four months seems a mini lifetime ago.

I had many struggles and trials this summer; trying to make friends, find a church, unpack, and make a house a home. There were days that I felt isolated from the rest of civilization {especially going from the outer 'burbs of Chicago to Mississippi's Gulf Coast}. I'm still trying to get used to the amount of time it takes to get anywhere.

But alas, we have found a church and have started making friends, and what a difference it makes. Having a place to go, something to look forward to, getting a chance to get to know others makes the time go a bit faster.

While I'm still missing my old church and the wonderful friends I made there, I feel I'm finally beginning to move forward, let go of the past and hope for the future.


Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
{I have this passage on a bracelet I wear daily to remind me, it's His plan, not mine}

The Sunday Creative: Spiral, Oh My Soul!

I know I've been a bit absent and I have a couple blogs planned for some time this week, but after reading today's prompt at The Sunday Creative, I knew I had to write tonight.



Spiral

I'm too tired to pick up tonight
This is the first time I've sat down today
I've been in that kitchen all evening

I'll straighten it up later
I'll do dishes in the morning
The dust isn't going anywhere

Not wanting to clean
Not wanting to cook

So tired
So very tired
Oh, my soul

Excuses, excuses

I can feel myself falling
deeper and deeper into a sea of self pity
depression
despair

If only I could sleep
I would be a better mom with a full night's rest
sleep
no sleep
Oh, my soul

Stress unvented
Worry pent up

Help needed
I know not how

A long week
Oh, my soul

******

Last week, if I sat still long enough, closed my eyes, I could actually feel my little world spiraling further and further away from comfort and control. My husband's one week absence threw me for a loop, I didn't see it coming even though his trip had been planned. I lost my grip and for a few days forgot my normal coping mechanisms. I spent more time praying for his safety and forgot about my own sanity. Thinking praying meant not worrying and discovering I was wrong. I forgot to let go and let God. He told me not to worry, He told me He was in control. I didn't listen.

Oh, my soul!

Blogging for Our Breasts

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I am joining my fellow bloggers in raising awareness. I've joined Army of Women {no it's not just for women, men are encouraged to join as well}, their goal is to recruit one million women to partner with breast cancer researchers and actually participate in the studies {don't get nervous, the research is prevention based, not clinical trials} in hopes to completely eradicate this disease.

And I'm linking up with Bigger Picture Blogs to Write Pink!




Will you join? Will you help us be one million strong?

She's 4!

I interrupt my regular scheduled blogging to catch up on all my September escapades that I have neglected to post. So without further ado, I present my daughter's 4th birthday!

*****

I had decided, even before we moved, B's 4th Birthday was going to be a small family affair. At the time, I had no idea if she'd have a bunch of friends {or not} and to relieve the stress of planning and executing a kids birthday, a family thing was the answer.

Now, I know, above it says "small," but our little house filled with 11 people sleeping here and only one spare bedroom, it didn't feel small. While we may have been short on sleeping locations {sorry, Jen's kids got the floors}, we were not short on laughter, hugs and joy!

The rest of this is best explained through pictures!



The cake was made my Josh and Addy and decorated by Addy and me.





What is it???


Only the best toy EVER! She's been asking for that Cinderella for months!




Pops has great taste and she LOVES her Tiana dress up dress!


More games for her Leapster, thanks Grandma.


And of course, Alice.


I almost forgot!

During the craziness, Yaya {my mom}, snuck in a kitty. Okay, so we knew Yaya was bringing her, but it wasn't until my mom was getting ready to leave that B realized we were keeping her!
This is Cookie!

*****

B wanted to give her daddy Prince Charming for his birthday. She was quite bummed when, for an entire week, he refused to open it.

And they lived happily ever after...

Road Trip! A Weekend in Pictures

On Labor Day, the Clan decided to make the 12 hour drive to Oklahoma to visit my parents. Of course, the 12 hour drive took 14 hours and we had to leave in the middle of the day because, well, we weren't able to leave as early as we would have liked.

But we got on the road and soon were all smiles.




Or not.

There it is.


Our dinner stop was entertaining.




Our fondness for taking pictures seemed to weird out the lady behind us.


After driving all night and arriving at 3:30 AM, we really just wanted to veg a bit before starting the day.



We spent the weekend relaxing and visiting,




Bear was taking relaxing to a whole new level.


Hide and Seek


Utterly Kissable!


Worn Out


B got a hold of the camera on the way home.







For lunch, we stopped at a Chic-fil-A that had a play structure for the kids. The girls had a great time but when it came time to get back on the road, one little munchkin did not want to come down and an extraction party had to be sent out.









It was a GREAT weekend!

Update: Busy Week

It's been a crazy week filled with birthdays, beach days, an overflowing house of people, laughter, delayed flights, prayers, and utter joy!

I have missed writing and am looking forward to sharing the smiles and good times.

Some really great things are being planned in the weeks to come and I'm very happy to be a part of it. Again, I'm looking forward to sharing.

The Sunday Creative: Comfort

My take on "Comfort"


Breathe in
calm
Breathe out
peace
Breathe in
quiet
Breathe out
relaxation

The peacefulness of a quiet and calm home
Thoughts are able to escape, transform onto the page

Breathe in
creativity
Breathe out
art
Breathe in
poetry
Breathe out

MOMMY
MOMMY
MOOOOOOOM

Breathe in
babies
Breathe out

Get tackled with hugs

Breathe in
happiness
Breathe out
laughter
Breathe in
joy
Breathe out

Blessings!

Bigger Picture Moment: I Am a Steward

I am beginning to understand...

These are not my children, they are God's and these children are more than just a gift from God, He has entrusted me with their well-being.

I am a steward. I have been given wards to raise, nurture, teach, lead, and utterly love. My children are God's children, given to me so that I may care for them.

That's a pretty big responsibility.

When I look at my children through these eyes, I begin to change the way look at them, the way I speak to them, the way I love them.

I ask myself, how would God speak to them? Especially when I feel I'm being harsh. Or raise my voice when volume is not needed. {These are also the times I thank God for not talking to me that way.}

Rules still exist in this house, there is still discipline, as I fully believe we need rules and limits. God even gave us rules by which to live {remember the 10 Commandments?!}. Paul told us of the fruit of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. {Gal 5:22,23}
I feel he could have been yelling, "Rose, pay attention to this!!"

So everyday, I thank God for this chance to serve Him, for this awesome challenge. For is there a better way to show my love for Him than by loving them?!

A Little About Me

{because I know you're dying to know more about me...}

I was tagged by my lovely friend Ally to answer the following questions.

1. If you could have any superpower, what would you have? Why? Teleportation! I decided that years ago when I was in the Middle East. I didn't mind being there {volunteered to go} but would have loved to be able to go home on the weekends. Now with my friends and family being spread to the far reaches of the world, I would again, appreciate such a power.

2.Who is your style icon? My sister! She's trendy in a non-trendy sort of way. She's chic and sporty, classic.



3.What is your favorite quote? "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you." Author Unknown {I know this is not a direct quote from scripture, if you know who deserves credit for this quote, please enlighten me}

4.What is the best compliment you've ever received? A couple weeks ago, my husband came home from work and told me I was doing a great job with our kids and our house. I don't know if it's the best compliment I've ever received, but I sure needed it, more than I knew at the time. And just today, when B spelled "DAD" with the letters on the fridge, he told me it was a testament to my work with her.

5.What playlist/cd is in your CD player/iPod right now? I have a 6 disc CD changer in my van, the CDs are as follows: Simon and Garfunkel, WOW Worship 2010 {both CDs but I do prefer the first}, Wow Wow Wubbzy, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Disney songs.

6.Are you a night owl or a morning person? Night for sure, I only get up early if I have to!

7. Do you prefer dogs or cats? Either or neither, depending on the day. With the life we live, a cat is easier. Never knowing where we're going to end up next, what the climate will be... We've told B we'll get a dog when Daddy gets out of the Navy. I'm hoping this will be the next member of our Clan. Her name is Cookie {named by my nephew}, she's currently a ward of my mother's. We spent this past weekend with her, the girls love her and she loves the girls!



8.What is the meaning behind your blog name? I started My Clan as a way to keep my family posted on our lives as we travel wherever the Navy sends us. Somehow it has morphed into what it is today, an outlet for my poetry or ramblings. It's my therapy, writing, that is.


And now is the time I tag others, 8 others, really?!

Robin at The Misadventures of Jack and Luke
Kamryn at All Pop No Corn
Lindy at Mrs. Rogers Neighborhood
Callie at Mia Bella Vita
Diana at Little Pieces of Me
PJ at Confessions of a Sugar Addict
Elizabeth at The Strahan Clan

I'm following Ally's lead, I will be leaving the 8th spot open. If you follow my blog and would like to participate, please do so and share your link in the comments below.

Oklahoma Trip

Definite signs you're at Yaya's and Papa's.


The sound of little feet running through the house.

Kids chasing kitties, kitties chasing kids.

Endless horsey rides. (oh my aching knees)

Gold fish and bananas for breakfast.

Extended bedtimes. (Utter lack of bedtimes)

Slumber parties in the living room floor.

Sleeping in! (Til 8:30)

Colorful band-aids for pretend boo boos, and for real ones.



*****

Definite signs you're home from a long weekend at Yaya's and Papa's

Very little in the house to eat, total lack of fresh fruit and veggies.

Suitcases still packed and laying open on the floor providing clean clothes to be grabbed in a hurried effort to get out the door on time.

Allergies! Nice dry, cool weather in OK; hot and humid in MS.

Dreading driving anywhere after spending 14 hours in the van the day before.

*****

We had a great time in Oklahoma visiting my parents. We had wonderful weather and enjoyed sitting outside chatting. The girls were wonderful on the ride, their resilience amazes me sometimes.