My Journey: Sharing Miracles

Where to begin?
I want to share
What I've seen
What I've heard
What I've witnessed

I've been a witness
I am a Witness

To His glory!

But what good am I as a Witness if I don't share it with others?!

In the past few months I've been witness to life, forgiveness, salvation; I've been able to see people changed and grow in their relationship with Christ. This is just the first of my sharing and my journey back to writing. God is so good and I hope you're able to find the little {and big} miracles in your own life.



I've been blessed to witness the journey of a woman, go from given only days to live, to being HEALED! Going from not knowing God, to being restored in Him and yesterday, trusting her life to Him!

Because a man listened to God, beckoning him, he was in the right place to witness to another man, about to loose the mother of his children. Told she only had three days to live, Godly people ministered to them, prayed with them, stood by these strangers during a scary time. Three days later she was still with us; they stayed, they prayed. Eventually, she went home, although she was unable to get out of bed; but she progressed. Yesterday, she walked into church, stood during the worship, gave her life to Christ and stood again with six others as they were introduced as new brothers and sisters in this family of believers.

Her miracle has been shared by many.
Her miracle has been our miracle.
Her miracle has changed my life.
Changed the way I pray.
Changed the way I see the everyday.
I want to walk with more faith.
I want to encourage others.
I want to share my journey.
I want to seek out miracles.

God is great!
His glory is all around, we must simply seek it.

I'm learning that life as a Christian is not easy; but as a Christian, I have Hope! I have a peace that transcends all understanding. I know I need to be sharing this knowledge.

I need to be sharing my journey.

My Journey: A Student

I recently embarked on a new journey and am thankful it ended today. I re-enrolled in college and intentionally took only one class. I figured I'd use this one class to get my feet wet and eventually take more and finish off my degree. Shortly after signing up for (or maybe just before) I found out I was pregnant with #3. Deciding to stick with my original plan, I proceeded with my class, Art 205, Art Appreciation. I was surprised a bit by the amount of time the course took on a day to day basis but balanced it well, at the beginning anyway. I was doing well up until the last couple weeks. A death in the family prompted a visit to Iowa, I was granted an extension that served me well as the house we were staying in didn't have Internet. When we got home I knew I had one week to make up two weeks worth of assignments and knew it could be done. Then this week happened, if something could have happened, it did. B's first day of school (which I knew was coming but still added a bit of stress, but that's a blog of it's own), bug bites causing swollen limbs, doctor visits, surprise duty days, you name it and something would come up. But I prayed and God got me (us, really) through it.

So, long story short, I'm a college student again although I will be taking the next two semesters off so I can learn how to be a mom of three and homeschool B. But before ling, I'll be back in the swing of things!

On a side note, I've very much missed blogging. I almost wrote that I missed writing but I've been a writing fool, it's just been centered on art history.

And I know it's been a while but it you didn't catch it, we're pregnant with #3, due in December.

My Journey: Being Thankful for the Trials

1Thessalonians 5:16-18 says

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

A wonderful piece of scripture and great advise, but how often do we apply the whole writing, everyday?!

16 Be joyful always

Easy to say on the good days, but what about the days of trial? When you're down and out do you find joy in God's everyday beauty? Or are you so focused on the problem at hand that you forget to even look?

While in a depressive funk about a year and a half ago, I discovered my "joy" and such a joy they are! I discovered God had given me a gift to love and enjoy; my children are my joy! Every once in a while I do have to ask God to help me enjoy my joy.

17 Pray continually

Maybe a little easier during the difficult times in our lives, as we pray for God's help, comfort, peace, healing, etc. It's easy to remember to pray when we need His divine assistance, but what about the other times?

Philippians 4:6 tells us not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. So why shouldn't we pray for help finding that close parking spot on a rainy day when the kids are with you? Why not pray for help deciding what to feed the family?

Just recently I quietly prayed for help and safety merging in traffic. Once safely in the lane, I said, quite audibly, "thank you, Lord!" and was scoffed at. Nothing is too big or too small for God!

18 Give thanks in all circumstances

Yes, read it again, it does say ALL. That means giving thanks during the trials.

And I did, I'd give thanks for all the blessings in my life. I would remember to be thankful for my family, my health, my family's health... It wasn't until very recently that I was reminded to be thankful for the trial itself. I truly believe God does NOT punish, He is a kind and loving God. I do believe He allows things to happen to us, for us to reap what we sow. But on that note, I feel in my heart, God uses these trials to mold us, to shape us into better Christians, to bring us closer to Him who loves us.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I don't know what purpose this trial has in my life but I know God will see me through and that I will be better for it.

My Journey: Depression

While reading this post last night I became emotional. I bawled, I cried and I cried, then found myself crying some more.

I didn't fully realize where I was until I read it in someone else's words.

I am drowning.

The truth is, for some time now, every day has been a struggle. Each day I wake up I wonder if I'll sink or swim. I know someone out there is thinking, "simply choose to swim." But it's not that easy when depression is looming just beneath the surface.

Having a history of depression I can usually see the warning signs: lack of motivation, quick to temper, sadness, etc. These signs have been prevalent lately and I've been trying to stave off this funk. Yet, here I am again, back in the water, struggling to find my footing.

In this water (aka depression, funk, whatever) is not where I want to be. I don't like who I become when I'm fighting for air. And the worse part is that it affects my family.

When I'm tired I don't want to play with my girls. My tolerance for, well, everything is lowered. I overreact to the smallest problem, often snapping at my precious babies. They don't know what's wrong with Mommy, so they begin to walk on eggshells and avoid me. This, of course, breaks my heart and worsens the depression as I'm wracked with guilt.

It's a vicious cycle.

The way I treat my husband is just shameful.

At my worse, I ended up on meds. I couldn't get out of that funk on my own.

My lifelines have come in many forms, my sister, my husband, my friends, my kids, my God! Usually one of the previous has to remind me to turn to Christ.

Just this week I received two life lines I wasn't expecting. The first came in the form of my pastor, simply reminding me I am NEVER alone!

The second was Hyacynth's post. It opened my eyes to see the water around me. I think I've been struggling to swim since I've been here in Mississippi but haven't wanted to admit it.

So tonight as I finish this post I will admit, I'm in the water! But I'm not alone. While my feet still aren't on solid ground I do have a few floaties and a life vest is within my reach.

My Journey: The Closing of a Chapter

It is often said when you make a big move that you are beginning a new chapter of your life. I very much am, but a more important chapter ended in Great Lakes.

While we were living there I came back to Christ. I say "I came back" because He never left me! I have been in His grasp without really knowing it. No, I knew. I've never felt abandoned by God, I've always know that it was I who left. But here I am, a whole new woman, changed by the grace of God!

I arrived in Great Lakes scared, knowing no one, lonely, and 7 months pregnant with little to no self confidence. I left a totally different person. And while I never believed a person was capable of change, I did in fact change. The way I think, process information, the way I feel, it's all changed. I have changed! But I know I didn't change me, it was not a do-it-yourself book that lead me to my new life. It was Christ!

2Cor 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the has come!"

I now know you don't just change when you're all new. Someone looking at me isn't going to say "hey look, she was saved yesterday." We're still human, still have to fight sin and temptation. Yes, every once in a while I slip and curse or judge someone, the difference is now, I know God has forgiven me, He doesn't keep a record of my wrongs, why should I?! I strive to live by example, be a light, show others the glory of God. Living a good life, doing right, being a good wife and mother, friend and sister is not easy, but with Jesus by my side, lighting the way...

I believe and I make an effort to be better. I think I am better, better than the immature, scared girl I was when I moved there. The long chapter of my being alone is ending and something so much better is beginning.

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

Being Moved

Today I was moved by a song.

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

I remembered the first time I attended Immanuel, a little nervous being somewhere new. Standing next to my friend quietly singing along with songs I had never heard.

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

It had been some time since I had been to a church and felt moved. I found myself swaying to the beat, lifted by the songs.

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

When some of the people raised their hands in the air I was a bit worried, was this THAT kind of church?

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

I regained my faith at Immanuel. Dedicated my children in the sanctuary, prayed for my husband, our lives. I met new people, loved new friends. Found me in my search for Christ.

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

The family I found at Immanuel changed my life.

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

But what about those people singing with their hands in the air?

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

I'm one of them. Moved by the Spirit, loving the music, hands above my head. Unapologetically, loving the Lord!

(Hillsong United - The Stand)

My Journey: My writing

I was once told people write the way they speak, to which I emphatically disagreed saying I wrote much more eloquently than I spoke.

That was 5 years ago.

I've looked on some of my past blogs and I have, indeed, been writing as I speak. Using slang and improper English, some of my ramblings truly rambled. This afternoon in the shower I pondered on the past few years and what has changed... EVERYTHING!

5 years ago I was writing as an outlet for my depression. Coping with island fever in a job I hated, my husband deployed, I needed something. My rambles were much less rambling and more essay like. I wrote a lot of poetry, which I actually miss writing.

Over the years I've written less and lost a bit of my eloquence. I've taken time out to transfer, have children, live the crazy life of a stay-at-home mom. Until recently my darling children haven't afforded me the opportunity to get my thoughts out as I'd like. Little Bit is finally getting to the age where I don't have to watch her every moment. But with yet another transfer looming I don't know if I'm going to be able to devote myself to writing as I'd like.

I was thrilled when the blogging revolution took off, I saw it as a chance to get my thoughts "out there." I've wanted to be an author for some time but haven't compiled enough to submit anything. I enjoy writing short stories, children's stories (I have an entire series in my head waiting to be released), and of course, poetry. Haiku's! I love the simplicity and imagery, I'm sure it doesn't help that the first poetry contest I won was for a Haiku.



**A bit off topic but this came to me earlier**

Tear glistening down
An awaiting daughter's cheek
Father, I love you

I'm praying for you Friend!

My Journey: Are You The Person You Want To Be?

Are you the person you want to be?


If you could have any job, what would you do?
If you could live anywhere, where would you live?
What would you wear?
Where would you vacation?


There were more questions asked by Josh's get to know yourself personal questionnaire, these are the ones I remember and am willing to share. Some of my answers were easy for me, others not so much.

I'm not the person I want to be but I feel I'm going the right direction. I feel like I'm still on my journey. God gives me little glimpses from time to time, and I know if I stay on this path there is no stopping what I can be.

My dream job is being a mother, but I never knew that until after I had my first. I can't imagine life any other way. I sometimes wonder how I did 10 years in the Navy. This is my joy.



I would live in Colorado, near my sister! My sister is my dearest friend and I miss her more than words could ever express. And I love Colorado!

I would wear, well, better fitting, more stylish clothes (less jeans). I've been needing a new wardrobe for quite some time and I'm happy to say I'll be going down a size whenever I finally go buy clothes. As for style, again, I look to my sister. I love how cute and, while her clothes aren't "trendy", they're definitely in style. I love the casual chic yet sporty look. Somewhere between Lands End and Gap, like and REI catalog.

Vacation: just about everywhere. I want to road trip to our national monuments, camp in our national parks, bike Santa Fe, go to a show in NYC, go on a cruise (several actually), Italy, Italy, Italy, all over Europe, I want to go back to Egypt, I would love to go to Israel! There are so many places I'd love to see.

I may not know who I am, but I know who I don't want to be. I don't want to be stuck in the same place, I want to be ever growing, changing. I'm a new creature, so much better than before. God has given me endless opportunities and I'm excited about this journey.

Are you the person you want to be?

Journey: Daily Mothering

My journey as a wife and mother is different everyday!

Today was such a perfectly paced day. Throughout the day I kept thinking, that would make a good blog post and that would make a good blog post and yet here I sit, rambling. :0)

I could tell you Bear decided to climb the slide today, sure she's done it before, but today was special. Today, she discovered once she got to the top, instead of sitting there waiting for that dreaded trip to the bottom she could stand up and scare the living heck out of her mom. She seemed highly entertained with the squawk her sister made and the speed at which her mom could cross the room.

I could also tell you there seems to be a theme in the air. My dear friend Hyacynth seemed to be at odds with her 2.5 yo and I was at odds with my 3 yo.
If you've never had a 3 yo tell you you're a mean mom and I don't like you then you might not understand how your heart can break and in the exact same moment become completely irate.
It seems I was still a little on edge since yesterday when she announced, in a very angry voice, "you hit me!" Truth was, I was pulling her and her sister in wagon when we went over a bump and her head hit the plastic pole that hold the canopy on. I think it went something like this:

She: You hit me!
Me: Excuse me?
She: You hit me! {getting a little more annoyed like I didn't get what she was saying}
Me: How did I hit if I was up here pulling the wagon?
She: You hit me! I don't want you Mommy!
At this point we were in the driveway, I was a bit hurt by the last comment and a bit annoyed with her overall attitude.
Me: Fine, deal with your dad then. {and I went in the house}
A little later she apologized and we talked about how you cant just blame someone for whatever, that words can hurt, even adults. I apologized, because as Hy put it, I have a tendency to react when I should respond.
This morning, as I was trying to post a blog for How Did I Ever Live Without It? Bear wanted for me to do nothing but hold her. When she wants me off the computer she comes up and begins to take random things off my desk. Normally I can stall her by giving her a couple choice toys (my calculator or glasses holder) but this morning nothing would sooth her. When I was putting on the finishing touches, she got on my last nerve and I, quite gently actually, sat her on the floor next to my chair. She cried and B jumped up on the couch and announces, "You're a mean mommy!" I think my head collapsed onto the desk.
After a few more comments along similar lines, I had to sit B down. We've established some steps to clear up any misunderstandings. She will now tell me that she doesn't think that's very nice if she thinks I'm doing something not nice. Which worked well this evening when Bear was getting into my bag and I told her no and took it away and she cried, B spoke up and I was able to explain that Bear wasn't allowed to play with Mommy's bag.
Lately, I've been feeling like I haven't be reacting well and I haven't been the best Mommy. Thank you Hy for reminding me about the bigger picture and for letting me know I'm not the only one going through this.

I could also tell you that Bear took more steps today. It seems she is finally realizing, what we've always known, that she can actually walk if she wants to.

Or I could tell you how awesome God is and how amazing it is praying with my husband! My life is forever changed and I really wish I could share this feeling with everyone!

But I don't want to bore you with my daily details. May you have a blessed night and a wonderful week!

Journey: Writing

The journey of my life and how writing effects that.

Cyril Connolly said, "It is better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."

I've been having a bit of writer's block as of late. I have a few drafts but nothing to publish. My thoughts don't seem to finish and I'm left with fragments. I have this blog and contribute to two others and, unfortunately, I haven't been able to post anything on those either.

I get an idea to write but that's where it stops. Most of the time, words seem to flow from my head to my fingers without too much effort but that hasn't been the case for the past couple of weeks. Until today.

Today, right smack dab in the middle of Bible study I felt the need to write my sister, so I did, on a napkin. I'll send it to her tomorrow.
Then again this evening, I picked up my old journal. My last entry was October! But when I went to write, it was with such ease.

Writing is my therapy, my outlet, my peace. When I can't get the thoughts out I don't seem to function well in most aspects of my life. Like a stopped up drain, everything backs up, inevitably causing a dirty sink. My house is that sink.

Hopefully if I can't get the words here, I'll get them in my journal. And hopefully, I'll get caught up on my chores.

My Journey: A Simple Wish

My wish for my children isn't to always get along.

It isn't that they would share all their belongings with each other.

Or even always like each other.

My wish for my children is that they would always be there for each other.

Love and trust one another.

Seek Truth, know Christ and find comfort and answers in the Word!